I feel better....

now that I anticipate it being a couple more weeks I am not as anxious for the certification to be here. I guess I was more concerned that it was late or that something was wrong. I have been much more relaxed the last two days allowing my self to focus on the kids and the house and things that have to be done here on a daily basis, and getting ready for school to start in just over a week. I can tell they are ready as they are starting to get a bit board and asking to watch more TV or play video games, which we try not to do that much of.....but it is hard when it is so hot outside and they can't really go out for long to play, ride bikes or swim in the middle of the day. Today I am working on laundry and sorting through the kids clothes to see what we need to get them for school. Ethan is being a harsh supervisor and telling me to stop blogging and get back to work ;0)

Of Tears

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness but of power. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and of unspeakable love." -Washington Irving

It would appear...

....that the courts are taking a full 60 days to certify home studies at the moment, so we now figure we have a couple more weeks to wait. We also have some mixed feelings about the new little boy we were inquiring on. Happy that he has found a home, but sad once again that we will not be the ones to bring Christopher into our home. I am debating wither or not I should inquire on another child before our certification is in hand.

Frustrated

I have to say I have been avoiding a new post on the blog because our certification is still not here and I wanted to be able to post good news. Perhaps I set my expectations too high, but according to the time line we received from the agency who completed our home study, certification should have arrived almost 2 weeks ago. I suppose that I should be happy that we are no longer in such a hurry as Theo's parents have now chosen a family, so we know he will not be placed with us. While we are very happy for him, we are also a bit sad that we will not see him grow and develop and shower him with our love. On a good note, Terry and the kids have fallen for another little boy much closer to home and we really look forward to getting more information on him as soon as we have our certification, I think he is adorable and would fit nicely into our family, but am being much more guarded this time around. Ideally, it would be nice to get a CPS placement here in AZ with an infant, as I do have my heart set on a baby. Possibly a situation like Theo's where the parents just don't think they can cope with the child's brain injury for what ever reason, however, we are open to possibly taking an infant who has been substance exposed in utero, or even a healthy newborn who's mom has no choice but an adoption plan due to incarceration, etc, though our true hope is to help a child that might not otherwise find a home due to extreme physical limitations. That, after all, is what we are set up for at home, being wheelchair accessable and having aquired many thousands of dollars in special equipment and 10+ years of experience in that area. SO....hopefully this week the certification will get here and we can pick up our search for our special child.

Today??????

Well we knew it would take a while and were told the Courts are really running slow but I really though our certification would be here by now. I really don't know what I will do this weekend if it does not come!!!!

Rave: Diapers.com

WOW! I wasn't sure if it was just a one time thing before, but after several orders I have to rave about diapers.com
My orders from them arrive literally over night! and they always seem to include a little something extra!!!!!
I was a little nervous about not having the right size gdiapers on hand for when we finally get matched, but not wanting to order a bunch of things we won't need just for the sake of being prepared. But now I am not worried at all because I can just order when we find out the details of the child we will welcome into our family and know they will be here, probably before the baby! But in case you want to check it out for yourself here is a coupon code for you to use: BECK9626 you will get $10.00 off your first order of $49.00 or more AND diapers.com will donate $10.00 to the American Red Cross!

Restless again!

I don't know what I will do if it takes another week or more for the certification to arrive! This morning I have already made 4 swaddling cocoons on the chance that we are matched with a newborn. Yesterday the girls got very excited about the possibility that we could get a girl and picked out a girly outfit. It is hard to hold back until we know exactly what we will be blessed with, but I figure anything that we don't use will make a very nice donation to a family in need!

Still waiting....

No news yet. The kids brought home strep throat form their stay at Auntie's so we have just nee hiding out at home trying not to spread it around. Hopefully next week we will have good news that our certification has been approved so that we can anxiously await being matched with a special child!

Holding my Breath....

....hoping that the certification comes back from the court this week. The weekend away did help some....but I had a stomach bug while we were there so it was not quite as relaxing as I would have liked. In the mean time I have been looking through profiles online of children waiting for families and it has made me a little sad that we can't do more, but we are not going to spread our selves thin, we want to make a difference in the life of the child we adopt. There are so many children with a vast array of medical conditions in foster and medical care facilities that could benefit exponentially from having a loving and devoted family. I want families to know, that these children, though a lot of work, bring so many blessings.....they change lives. They need and deserve a life time commitment as it is likely they will need care for as long as they live. I know how much it made an impression on a friend that was in our home one day with my husband talking about gardens. They were talking about what they will be doing with their yards in the future, in retirement, and Terry made the comment, "....one day, when it is just the three of us (speaking of him, me, and Ethan)..." it really made an impression on her that it was just understood that Ethan would be with us forever, and it is the same for a child we add to our home through adoption....it is a life long commitment, not just until legal adulthood....that is what families should be about after all. I certainly would never raise our "typically-abled" children to believe that parenting magically ends at age 18, I hope they know they can come to me at any time and I will be here for them. I find that my grand parents had a profound impact on me in this. You see, my grandfather was a carpenter and a man of great wisdom and vision. While growing his family of eight children he made a plan and built his dream....that dream consisted of a 2 acre parcel (I think that was the size of his lot) where he built his home, and then 13 little apartments 8 with 2 bedrooms (one for each of his children) and 5 with 1 bedroom each and he planted fruit and nut trees and gardens so that no matter what happened in life, his children would always have something to come back to, a place to live and fresh food to eat, and I know that several of them, in their adult lives had to take advantage of Grandpa's legacy. I was terribly upset when up on Grandma's passing that the kids sold it all....gave my grandfather's dream away for a small temporary financial boost. I keep that idea, that dream in my heart, and I don't know if I will ever be able to do as much as my grandpa, but early in our marriage we did buy a small piece of property, with a similar idea. A 5 acre property where we could eventually build a home, customized to Ethan's needs and build a house for each of our children so they would always have a place to come if the whole world went wrong on them. That piece of land has been my security, and through stressful times an escape and solace....a part of a dream in progress that I hope will transcend my own life in to the lives of not only my children and grandchildren but posterity of generations to come.

Looking forward to....

.... a short get-a-way this weekend at the Hyatt Regency....looking forward to my massage and a few hours of quiet time and a nice dinner with my husband. Some of my prize package as the June Qualifier for Woman of the Year. It has been a couple years since we have had an "overnight" trip away from the kids. The girls are going to Aunty's house and the boys are staying with grandma and grandpa. I am hoping I come back re-energized for what is coming up in the next several weeks with the adoption as the certification to adopt should be coming back from juvenile court in the next week or two!!!! And shortly after we will be meeting with a new attorney to discuss our options regarding how we move forward with Ethan's conservitorship/trust funds....things of this nature are always stressful as lawyers don't always consider the family as a whole and we are hoping that the new attorney is considerate of us unlike the current guardian ad litem and judge assigned to Ethan's case. In many ways, it is much easier to get services for disabled children when you don't have any financial means!

Being a MOM

While sitting in the movie theater today with my children I was reflecting on the value of being a stay at home mom. We go to a kid friendly movie every Thursday, one of the many things we do together that we would not be able to do if I had made the choice to go back to work following Ethan's birth. I don't regret the choice I made though it would have made put us in a six figure income bracket at this point, but I would have missed so much, had to accept that my children were being raised by someone who did not have a vested interest in them, and Ethan may never have gotten close to the developmental point he is at today. Because I have chosen to stay at home with my children they have had precious one on one time with me, every day. They have gotten necessary rehabilitative services, not just once a week when they visited the Physical, Occupational, or Speech therapist but every day with a home program. I have been able to teach them many important life lessons, lessons that might not have been valued by them had I not been there to re-enforce them every day, and I am proud of who my children have become, and know that my sacrifice has been worth it. I am happy I chose to be a stay at home mom because it has been my hand that has let go of that chubby pre-toddler hand and let them take their first steps. My ears that heard their first words. My arms that have comforted when they have fallen. My clapping hands that have applauded their accomplishments....my words that they value when they need advice. I don't regret not having the money of a second income because the things I experience as a mother are of infinite value, to my children, and to us as parents. I am grateful for a husband who has the skills and ambition to be able to support us financially and keep me home with our children. I wish that more moms could be blessed with this experience as I believe it blesses our society to have parents and not day care workers guiding our children into the people they are meant to become. I am blessed to be able to be a MOM.

Missing You

PLEASE! Someone come forward....

....and adopt this baby so it doesn't keep tearing my heart out every time I see him. It is agonizing to see this precious little boy still without a forever family. The video shows he is doing really very well, so much better than Ethan did at that age. His parents are searching for a family with excellent financial and medical resources to assure that Theo gets the care and support he needs.Theo's information
Video

Asian inspired set

I love to make things, recycle and up-cycle. This set was made from my fabric stash and I just need to add a diaper cover which will most likely be made from an old t-shirt if I don't get a matching gDiaper. It is the first set I have made in size newborn for our adoption as now there is a possibility that we could get a baby that won't yet fit into all the 6 month and up clothing I have made and purchased. Helen helped me stencil this set with Chinese symbols that are suppose to mean "green" and I am working on a second similar style set with symbols that mean "chosen". I did not make the leg warmers but they matched and I think they are adorable with the set.

Family

Photo's taken at my youngest sister, Lori's wedding....

Family

Sisters

Nieces and Nephews

Molly, Victoria and Aurora all born in 2008 (I think!)

Derrick

Sam

Children brighten your day.....

I have not had a particularly pleasant day and then the kids made lunch. Here is lunch as designed and prepared by Helen, Mark and Chloe, ages 8, 7 and 6. Helen got the idea from the Saltine Cracker Box, clever girl!