Cycle 5 days 24

Ok, I understand and feel the pain ever so clearly of those experiencing infertility. You can say it is different because I have 4 biological children and have also been blessed to adopt 2 children ,  but it isn't different. It is the drive to have a child and not getting there after months and months of doing everything you possibly can to have one. Today I am hurting. I am sad and frustrated and upset. It is like every negative test is chipping away at my heart and today range true. 21 months ago I lost a child. 18 months ago we began the journey to parenthood again. Attempting to find peace with the fostercare system has failed.... we have experienced 21 attempts at adoption scams,  2 potential adoptive placements have fallen through. 12 months of fertility supplements, been through consultations, Dr. Appointments, major surgery and now our 5th cycle trying to conceive is coming to a close. At 6 months we are being referred for even more intensive fertility treatment.....but after investing probably close to $10,000.00 into this dream of another child I don't know how much further I can push it....financially....and emotionally. Of course I will carry on with a small smoldering ember of hope, knowing this child is so wanted and will be so loved.....but today I am hurting.