the good and the bad....

Some things are just too good to be true.....for the last 6 weeks we have been focusing our efforts on a possible situation that was all too perfect. Some friends grandbabies were in CPS custody and they just didn't know what to do, nor if they could handle a toddler and a medically fragile newborn. It seemed like the perfect situation and a win win for all involved. It is turning out good and I am happy for our friends,  but when you are hoping for a baby and this type of situation comes up it is hard not to let your heart get too involved. It looks like our friends will parent both children,  which is great, but a little sad for us, because situations like this almost never happen. I was glad we could help them get through the process,  but it is time for us to move on and begin again looking for our situation that will lead us to our child.

Narrowing down our opportunities.

I have been asked and approached many times now about the shortage of foster homes, and why we are not taking that route for the child we hope to have join our family. Yes, we have made every effort to go that route first, because, we are not wealthy, and adoption from fostercare is pretty much free. BUT,
We live in a region where the population in fostercare is so small they will not license a home to take anything narrower that zero to six years. YES, there is a HUGE shortage of homes for the children in state care in counties near Phoenix, but they won't transfer those kids up to the rural counties so, we can not get a license for the children we are open to right now, which is newborn to 6 months. I have already adopted an older child (Andre was 11 when he was placed with us) and we have already adopted and lost Caleb due to his terminal condition,  so I am not going to be flexible to take on a situation neither me nor my family are prepared to take. It is about stretching our limits hoping to find a situation that fits with our desires and supports updating our home study and recertification to adopt. We know in our hearts there  is another child out there for our family and we are waiting with arms open......the crib is ready, new car seat arriving this week,  I have been busy making clothes and diapers and blankets, making sure we have everything ready at the drop of a hat. A week ago I got a call, but it was apparent very quickly it was a scam to get money from us. I also got a call this week from a social worker asking if I also provide childcare who is keeping our information on file, because he deals with scared young girls facing parenthood too soon, many of which have to make the difficult choice of making an adoption plan. It is great to be able to have things ready, but it also is a constant reminder of that sting of desire and no guarantee that anything will ever come of it. This is the place where patience is tested,  stretched and grown and emotions are so high and all that is left to do is hope, pray and wait.

Hoping beyond hope....just 1 more time.

Just weeks after my last blog post we were matched with a terminally ill baby just days after Finalizing Andre's adoption. Caleb came home just after Christmas and life got busy and hectic with a very high needs baby. We nearly lost him to a respiratory infection after 3 months, but after 2 weeks of intensive care he pulled through with a couple new diagnosis, one of which was tracheomalacia....basically he had a very floppy and small airway, and this coupled with chronic lung disease left us with two options, a trach, or take his tonsils and adenoid out when he was health. The latter was performed in August and life improved dramatically. Caleb's adoption was final in September and in October  we made a HUGE life change, we moved to 7.5 acres east of Snowflake and began to homestead. This life has agreed with all the kids and the rural mountain air meant healthy respiratory function for both Andre and Caleb.....and the tiny school is AMAZING most especially with regards to our disabled children. They have THRIVED. Ethan went from a self contained class for moderate to severe mental/learning disability to almost fully mainstream honor roll student. Andre has gone from nearly catatonic (before we brought him home) to learning to communicate with PECs, saying a few words, making choices, singing and dancing to the best of his ability and being included and loved by his typically developing peers.....and Caleb started preschool and just blossomed. I attended school with him every day for his first three months, so that he could learn to eat with his peers who were very motivating for him, until he was able to pass a swallow study and be cleared for the aide and staff to take over. Caleb had not had any significant illness or any hospitalization in his last 18 months. He passed away peacefully in March 2015 at 3.5 years old. This has been an amazing, wonderful and heartbreaking experience for our entire family. Just the other day we were out to a restaurant for my birthday and Andre kept turning to look at a rambunctious little blonde toddler with a look of curiosity and concern on his face, since he doesn't quite understand where his little brother went. We have spoken often about adoption again. It is complicated for us. We are not wealthy, we are not young, we already have what is considered a large family with five children at home, we don't live in a big city, etc. The cards are stacked against us but we still hope beyond hope that we will find the child we are longing to love and nurture. Our experience with foster care/foster-adoption has been bitter sweet and left us questioning if that route is right for us. And my desire at this point is to adopt a baby, so we are going to try for an independent adoption.....meaning we hope to connect with a woman hoping to place her child. We are open to either gender, or even twins, we are open to disability, we are open to any level of post adoption contact, we love Caleb's birth mom and still talk to her regularly, our only really strict requirement is the must be in AZ. We are not prepared for an interstate or international adoption. I just hope we can be as big of a blessing to a woman who needs a loving home for a baby she can not parents as this child will be for us.